Ask Sly or Clockwerk
by JageshemashFTW
Summary: Ask the main hero and villain of the games questions and they will answer... If they can keep from killing each other. Rated T for safety.
1. Meh I was bored

Disclaimer- I don't own Sly Cooper, Clockwerk, or any other similar factor that might come up in this story

JageshemashFTW: What's up fanfictioneers, I'm JageshemashFTW but you can call me Jagy.

Some of you know me for my story Nextgen Heroes… No? Well then what about… Oh, wait I haven't written that one yet ~whimpers~. Oh well! The point is we're talking about this story (even though technically it's more of a Q&A than a story) Let's meet our contestants. The greatest Thief in the world, second only to King of Bandits Jing, Sly Cooper.

Sly: The king of bandits can kiss my ringtail.

Jagy: Say that again and I'll write you in a crossover fic with Starfox.

Sly: ~glaring~ You wouldn't dare.

Jagy: Try me. Next up, he's mean, he's big, and he was mistaken to be a Russian terrorist by Interpol for years before finding out he was an immortal war machine from ancient Egypt. Ladies and gentlemen give it up for CLOCKWERK!!!!

Sly: ~cough~douchebag~cough~.

Jagy: Care to say anything to the boys back home C.W.

Clockwerk: …

Jagy: Clockwerk? Yo, Clockwerk?

Clockwerk: …You're all going to die.

Jagy: THE GIANT METAL OWL HAS SPOKEN! (yes, I am a huge fan of Clockwerk)

Sly: Just tell them what you need to say so I can go back home and be denied sex by Carmelita once again.

Jagy: Absolutely Sly. Basically this is your typical Send-in-your-questions-for-the-charecters-to-answer-via-the-comment-function fic.

Here are some ground rules:

Keep the questions at least PG-13 here people

You can ask questions to the following people: Sly, Clockwerk, Jagy, Sly and Clockwerk, Sly and Jagy, Clockwerk and Jagy or Sly and Clockwerk _and _Jagy.

No stupid questions like 'Wouldn't it be kool if SEPHIROTH was in your games!' we don't need any of that.

Clockwerk: Whose Sephiroth?

Jagy: The only person in the world more badass than you.

Sly: Hey, I'm badass.

Jagy: …PFFFFFFFHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAhehehe. I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl thank you. (It's funny cause I'm a guy.)

One more thing, I can't answer your questions if you don't send them to me in your reviews.

So please review.

Sly: If you don't he'll starve us

Jagy: Any last words before I end the chapter?

Clockwerk: …You're blood will flow like a river if you ask anything embarrassing to me.

However, if you embarrass Cooper than your death will be quick and painless when I take this pathetic world.

Jagy: Well said Clockwerk. Seeya next time! Oh, one more thing: while your questions are appreciated, I wont be able to answer them all so don't feel too bad if I don't answer yours okay?


	2. Clockwerk's nonhappy hour

Disclaimer: I don't own Sly Cooper or Clockwerk, I do own Jagy.

Clockwerk: ~glaring at Sly and Jagy while they have innocent looks~ I hate both of you so much.

Jagy: C'mon Clocky, it was all in good fun. ~looks at audience~ Oh, hello, for those of you just joining us… WE GOT A REVIEW! Now the reviewer asked Three things for us to do.

NUMBER #1

Jagy: ~reading review~ Okay, Sly, this one's for you – What is one thing you would do to Carmelita?

Sly: ~takes out a black velvet box and opens it, inside is a silver ring with a diamond embedded onto it. He closes the box and puts it back in his pocket~ That answer your question?

Jagy: ~wide-eyed~ Your really serious with this girl aren't you?

Sly: Well we have been together for almost two years now.

Jagy: Well congrats Sly, Let's give a hand for this guy. ~audience applauds~

Clockwerk: Can we please skip the next one?

Jagy: HELL NO! Ladies and Gentlemen…

NUMBER #2

Clockwerk: ……..Fuck.

Jagy: This is actually why Clockwerk was angry with us in the beginning of the chapter.

The reviewer wanted us to get Clockwerk black-out drunk and film his shit-faced antics.

So roll the clip.

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Sly & Jagy Presents:

Drunken Clockwerk!

Clip 1

-Clockwerk: ~Standing in the park, slurring his words~ At..at..attenshun you you you pathetic mortals.

~everyone at the park stare and laugh at him~ I am your ruler nohw, you will rectally… I mean.. Uh, erect statuews in my ~hic~ likeness. ~vomits~ CLEAN THAT UP!!!!!-

Clip 2

-Clockwerk: ~at a bar with his arm over Neyla who is looking very uncomfortable~ If I wush kinggh… You'd be my queen! Nonononono, to high an ohner… You'd be my concubine! My personal hoe!

~Neyla slaps him and kicks him in his 'nuts and bolts' before storming out~-

Clip 3

-Jagy: ~from behind the camera staring at a passed out Clockwerk~ Sly, wake him up, he's had enough torture.

Sly: Okay. ~nudges Clockwerk~ Yo, tincan-tweety, wake up!

Clockwerk: ~eyes snap open and punches Sly knocking him out cold~ Take that ya filthy German!!

~starts running~ USA!! USA!! USA!! USA!! ARGHHHH!!!!!!! USAUSAUSAUSA!!!-

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Clockwerk: ~hands covering face~ My nuts were still hurting even after the hangover.

Jagy: Don't worry C.W., we're on…

NUMBER #3

Jagy: And the review says ~reads review~ …………………………………………….You want Clockwerk and Sly to strap me down then cut me open and chop of my limbs?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Uh… weeeeellllll….If we did that then I would die and well the show needs a host right guys ~looks over at Sly and Clockwerk who have evil smiles. The they jump up and strap Jagy to the chair~ HEY, C'MON, you guys aren't seriously going to kill me are you?!?!

Sly: Of course not. After all, this fic needs a host.

Clockwerk: However ~takes out a chainsaw~ you can be _very_ surprised at what you can live through.

Jagy: MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. We're baaaaaaaaaaaaack

Disclaimer: I don't Sly Cooper…yadda yadda…Jagy's mine…yadda yadda…ON WITH THE FIC!

Jagy: ~in a full body cast~ Hello everyone. Sorry for taking so long to update. Being mortally wounded by a crazed raccoon and owl can do that to a guy.

Sly & Clockwerk: ~whistling innocently~

Jagy: Now we have quite a bit of questions here. So let's stop twiddling our thumbs and get on with it so I can get my stitches removed. Sly, this is for you: If you and Carmelita have kids, would you name them after your ancestors?

Sly: Well, I would like to be a little more original than that but I would like it if one of them was named Connor after my dad.

Jagy: Reasonable enough answer. Next up! The reviewer asked us to get Clockwerk high on pot and film him while he's stoned… Didn't we basically do the same thing last chapter?

Clockwerk: Yes, only with beer instead.

Jagy: Sorry Amishparadise428, but were gonna have to skip yours. We don't want to do the same thing over and over again. By the way Sly, Amish says you owe him 10 bucks.

Sly: ~under breath~ Shit, I was hoping he forgot.

Jagy: Our next review is for Clockwerk! What will you do to Dr. M for stealing 'Main Villain' status from you?

Clockwerk: ~smiling all evil-like~ That problem has been dealt with already.

Sly: What do you mean?

Clockwerk: If you would look at the screen for a bit. ~screen shows Dr. M tied up to railroad tracks with a train coming his way along with 20 pounds of lit TNT all around him and a two-ton anvil above his head with a pendulum swinging just inches above his gut~ Hey! What's the Pendulum of Doom doing there? That's overkill, get rid of it. ~pendulum gets lifted off screen~

Jagy: ~shudders~ That brings back bad memories. Oh well! Next review is for, oh, me! I feel special.

Whose place in the Sly universe would I take for a week? CLOCKWERK!!!!! All the shiny weapons. ~starts drooling~

Clockwerk: ~points dark-matter cannon at Jagy's head~ You touch my guns and I will turn you into swiss cheese.

Jagy: ~pulling himself together~ Right. Next one is for Sly, It's actually a response from last time when you showed us the engagement ring. It says: Are you nuts! That's suicide!

Sly: Well if I can survive Carm's Shockpistol, I'm sure I can survive being her husband.

Jagy: You have no idea. The next one is for Sly again.

Clockwerk: I bet you think your special Cooper.

Sly: Nah, just better than you.

Clockwerk: WHY YOU LITTLE… ~chokes Sly Simpsons style~

Jagy: Guys! Break it up! We need to finish these reviews. ~Clockwerk releases Sly~ Now Sly, The reviewer asked: Out of all the villains you've faced so far, which would you rather have as a main villian?

Sly: I can't believe I'm saying this but Clockwerk. He gives me the most challenge out of all the others.

Clockwerk: I don't need your sympathy Cooper.

Jagy: Don't worry guys. Only two more to go. Next one goes to Sly. What makes you think you can compete with Clockwerk as to being a badass?

Sly: Well for one thing, I actually beat Clockwerk twice.

Clockwerk: Technically you've beaten me once. The second time around it was just that she devil of a witch Neyla in my body. ~while Sly and Jagy aren't looking, Clockwerk takes out a _**very**_ suggestive picture of Neyla. He quickly hides it when Jagy looks back at him~

Jagy: This last one is for me. It says: If that's Clockwerk drunk, can you show me Panda King? Sorry 22slycooper22. Us three guys only.

Sly: Well that last one was anticlimatic.

Jagy: Hey, don't worry. I'm sure our next reviews will be much better. ~tumbleweed rolls by~ How did that get in here?


End file.
